Managing violent behavior of the child (3 of 3)

Managing violent behavior of the children (3 of 3):

Method Three of Three:
Managing the Behavior

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   Give your child a brief time out. If your child has a violent outburst, give him a brief time out, rather than reacting harshly and punishing them physically. This could be sending him to the ‘time out’ chair, or simply sending him to his room. Separating him from the situation may help to calm him down, as well as give you time to calm yourself down.
   

   • To determine how long you should put your child in time out for, consider how old your child is. Use one minute per year of age to figure out how long your child should be in time out.
   • Make sure that the area you put your child in down not reward your child. For instance, your child may simply play with his toys if he is sent to his room, so instead you may send him to a couch in the corner where there are no toys.
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   Teach your child about appropriate behaviors. Explain to your child that his violent behaviors are ‘bad ways to behave’. Help your child to understand what ‘good ways to behave’ are. To do this:
   

   • Role play to teach your child how you would like him to react when he feels upset or is faced with a conflict. Teach him ways to solve his problems. For example, pretend you are another child who decides to play with your child’s favorite toy. Teach your child that instead of reacting aggressively, he should calmly ask the child for the toy back. If the child does not get it back, he can then inform an adult about the situation.
   • Teach your child that getting mad is a normal feeling, but that he should express himself with calm words rather than violent behaviors. Teach him to say “That makes me mad”.
   • Talk to your child about the things that make him frustrated, so that they can be avoided in the future.
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   Set clear expectations. Tell your child how you would like him to behave. Give him examples of things that he is allowed to do, and things that you would rather he avoided. Explain that you do not want him to hit people or grab toys from other children, and that you expect him to avoid these behaviors.
   

   • You should also give your child alternative behaviors that you approve of, such as asking politely for a toy.
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   Create behavioral contracts with your child. Create a chart to monitor your child’s daily behavior.^[5] Tell him that he will get a sticker put on his chart for days when he behaves well, and that he will have a sticker taken away if he displays bad behaviors.
   

   • Consider setting a goal with your child. For example, if your child goes a whole week without having a sticker taken away, he gets a special treat on the weekend.

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   Talk openly with your child about his emotions. Let your child know that you are there to listen to his thoughts and that he can express his feelings to you. Helping your child to express what he is feeling will help to keep him from bottling his emotions up. When your child does not express what he is feeling, he may be more likely to have a violent outburst.
   

   • If your child has a hard time expressing himself with words, consider getting flashcards that have different emotions on them, or an emotion chart. Each day, or even several times throughout the day, ask your child to select the emotion that he is feeling, and try to have him explain why he is feeling that way.
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   Use a reward system. Once you have set expectations about your child’s behavior, reward his good behaviors. Let your child know that you are proud of him when he shares his toy, or asks politely for something, rather than throwing a temper tantrum.
   

   • When you notice your child behaving appropriately, notice and commend his behavior. Tell him how proud you are. Tell your child that he should be proud of himself. This can help your child develop an internal sense of pride that will hopefully keep violent outbursts at bay.
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   Be a good role model. As mentioned above, children tend to mimic their parents or caregivers. Because of this, it is important that you model the behavior that you want your child to display. Do not ever react violently towards your child.^[6] If something frustrating or angering happens, keep your emotions in check if you are around your child, and express how the situation made you feel in a calm manner.
   

   • Consider coming up with an activity that both you and your child can do when you are stressed or angry. For example, you could put on a certain song and dance to it when you feel negative emotions.
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   Choose the appropriate parenting style. Try to create a fair discipline system. Stick to reasonable restrictions. If your child acts inappropriately, send him to the time out chair, rather than spanking him or yelling at him. These latter too behaviors may cause your child to act violently, as he may mimic your own actions.
   

   • Make time to spend some quality time with your child each day. A child who feels loved is often less likely to act out aggressively to get attention.
   • Consider trying to redirect your child’s aggression. If you see your child hitting another child, explain to him why that is bad to do. Teach him that the only thing he can hit is his ‘punching pillow’. He is not allowed to hit anything but that pillow.
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   Seek help from family and friends.Ask others for help if you are having a hard time managing your child’s aggressive behaviors. Seek the advice of others; chances are other parents are also dealing with the same behaviors.
   

   • You can also read books dedicated to the topic of stopping aggressive behaviors in children.
   • Seek professional help by going to a doctor or child psychologist. A professional may recommend that you enroll your child in a course or therapy session that will teach him how to react to things that make him mad.
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   Intervene as soon as possible. If you’ve noticed that the child has violent tendencies, act on it right away. Correct it with proper parenting or consult a psychologist on how to handle the child, especially if your child has a mental disorder.