Forgiveness
For other uses, see Forgiveness (disambiguation).
Emperor Marcus Aurelius shows clemency to the vanquished after his success against tribes. (Capitoline Museum in Rome)
Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, lets go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well.[1][2]Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), pardoning (granted by a representative of society, such as a judge), forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship).[1]
In certain contexts, forgiveness is a legal term for absolving or giving up all claims on account of debt, loan, obligation or other claims.[3][4]
As a psychological concept and virtue, the benefits of forgiveness have been explored in religious thought, the social sciences and medicine. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives[5] including forgiving themselves, in terms of the person forgiven or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In most contexts, forgiveness is granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is incommunicado or dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, an apology, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive.[1]
Most world religions include teachings on the nature of forgiveness, and many of these teachings provide an underlying basis for many varying modern day traditions and practices of forgiveness. Some religious doctrines or philosophies place greater emphasis on the need for humans to find some sort of divine forgiveness for their own shortcomings, others place greater emphasis on the need for humans to practice forgiveness of one another, yet others make little or no distinction between human and divine forgiveness.
Research
Factors determining the likelihood of forgiveness in an intimate relationship.
Although there is presently no consensus for a psychological definition of forgiveness in the research literature, agreement has emerged that forgiveness is a process and a number of models describing the process of forgiveness have been published, including one from a radical behavioral perspective.[6]
Dr. Robert Enright from the University of Wisconsin–Madison founded the International Forgiveness Institute and is considered the initiator of forgiveness studies. He developed a 20-Step Process Model of Forgiveness.[7] Recent work has focused on what kind of person is more likely to be forgiving. A longitudinal study showed that people who were generally more neurotic, angry and hostile in life were less likely to forgive another person even after a long time had passed. Specifically, these people were more likely to still avoid their transgressor and want to enact revenge upon them two and a half years after the transgression.[8]
Studies show that people who forgive are happier and healthier than those who hold resentments.[9] The first study to look at how forgiveness improves physical health discovered that when people think about forgiving an offender it leads to improved functioning in their cardiovascular and nervous systems.[10]Another study at the University of Wisconsin found the more forgiving people were, the less they suffered from a wide range of illnesses. The less forgiving people reported a greater number of health problems.[11]
The research of Dr. Fred Luskin ofStanford University, and author of the book "Learning to forgive"[12] presented evidence that forgiveness can be learned based on research projects into the effects of forgiveness, giving empirical validity to the concept that forgiveness is not only powerful, but also excellent for your health was presented with a Champion of Forgiveness from the Worldwide Forgiveness Alliance on Forgiveness Day (first Sunday of August) for his teaching forgiveness as a life skill.[13]
In three separate studies, including one with Catholics and Protestants from Northern Ireland whose family members were murdered in the political violence, he found that people who are taught how to forgive become less angry, feel less hurt, are more optimistic, become more forgiving in a variety of situations, and become more compassionate and self-confident. His studies show a reduction in experience of stress, physical manifestations of stress, and an increase in vitality.[14]
Religious views
Abrahamic
Judaism
In Judaism, if a person causes harm, but then sincerely and honestly apologizes to the wronged individual and tries to rectify the wrong, the wronged individual is encouraged, but not required, to grant forgiveness:
- "It is forbidden to be obdurate and not allow yourself to be appeased. On the contrary, one should be easily pacified and find it difficult to become angry. When asked by an offender for forgiveness, one should forgive with a sincere mind and a willing spirit. . . forgiveness is natural to the seed of Israel." (Mishneh Torah, Teshuvah 2:10)
In Judaism, one must go to those he has harmed in order to be entitled to forgiveness.[15] [One who sincerely apologizes three times for a wrong committed against another has fulfilled his or her obligation to seek forgiveness. (Shulchan Aruch) OC 606:1] This means that in Judaism a person cannot obtain forgiveness from God for wrongs the person has done to other people. This also means that, unless the victim forgave the perpetrator before he died,murder is unforgivable in Judaism, and they will answer to God for it, though the victims' family and friends can forgive the murderer for the grief they caused them. The Tefila Zaka meditation, which is recited just before Yom Kippur, closes with the following:
- "I know that there is no one so righteous that they have not wronged another, financially or physically, through deed or speech. This pains my heart within me, because wrongs between humans and their fellow are not atoned by Yom Kippur, until the wronged one is appeased. Because of this, my heart breaks within me, and my bones tremble; for even the day of death does not atone for such sins. Therefore I prostrate and beg before You, to have mercy on me, and grant me grace, compassion, and mercy in Your eyes and in the eyes of all people. For behold, I forgive with a final and resolved forgiveness anyone who has wronged me, whether in person or property, even if they slandered me, or spread falsehoods against me. So I release anyone who has injured me either in person or in property, or has committed any manner of sin that one may commit against another [except for legally enforceable business obligations, and except for someone who has deliberately harmed me with the thought ‘I can harm him because he will forgive me']. Except for these two, I fully and finally forgive everyone; may no one be punished because of me. And just as I forgive everyone, so may You grant me grace in the eyes of others, that they too forgive me absolutely." [emphasis added]
Thus the "reward" for forgiving others is not God's forgiveness for wrongs done to others, but rather help in obtaining forgiveness from the other person.
Sir Jonathan Sacks, Chief Rabbi of the United Hebrew Congregations of the Commonwealth, summarized: "it is not that God forgives, while human beings do not. To the contrary, we believe that just as only God can forgive sins against God, so only human beings can forgive sins against human beings."[16]
Jews observe a Day of Atonement Yom Kippur on the day before God makes decisions regarding what will happen during the coming year.[15] Just prior to Yom Kippur, Jews will ask forgiveness of those they have wronged during the prior year (if they have not already done so).[15] During Yom Kippur itself, Jews fast and pray for God's forgiveness for the transgressions they have made against God in the prior year.[15] Sincere repentance is required, and once again, God can only forgive one for the sins one has committed against God; this is why it is necessary for Jews also to seek the forgiveness of those people who they have wronged.[15]
Christianity
Rembrandt – “The Return of theProdigal Son
In the New Testament, Jesus speaks of the importance of Christians forgiving or showing mercy towards others. Jesus used the parable of the unmerciful servant (Matthew 18:21-35) to say that we should forgive without limits. Parable of the Prodigal Son[17] is perhaps the best known parable about forgiveness and refers to God's forgiveness for his people.
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus repeatedly spoke of forgiveness, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” Matthew 5:7 (NIV) “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” Matthew 5:23-24 (NIV) “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25 (NIV)* “But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.” Luke 6:27-29 (NIV) “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” Luke 6:36 (NIV) “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37 (NIV)
Elsewhere, it is said, "Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." Matthew 18:21-22 (NKJV)
Jesus asked for God's forgiveness of those who crucified him. "And Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.'" Luke 23: 34 (ESV)
Considering Mark 11:25 above, and Matthew 6:14,15, that follows the Lord's Prayer, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.," Forgiveness is not an option to a Christian, rather one must Forgive to be a Christian.
Benedict XVI, on a visit to Lebanon in 2012, insisted that peace must be based on mutual forgiveness: "Only forgiveness, given and received, can lay lasting foundations for reconciliation and universal peace"[18]
Islam
Islam teaches that Allah is Al-Ghaffur"The Oft-Forgiving", and is the original source of all forgiveness (ghufran غفران). Seeking forgiveness from Allah withrepentance is a virtue.[19][20]
Islam recommends forgiveness between believers, because Allah values forgiveness. There are numerous verses in Quran and the Hadiths recommending forgiveness. However, Islam also allows revenge to the extent harm done, but forgiveness between believers is encouraged, with a promise of reward from Allah.[21]
Afw is another term for forgiveness in Islam; it occurs 35 times in Qur'an, and in some Islamic theological studies, it is used interchangeably withghufran.[19][20][22] Afw means to pardon, to excuse for a fault or an offense. According to Muhammad Amanullah,[23]forgiveness ('Afw) in Islam is derived from three wisdoms. First and the most important wisdom of forgiveness is that it is merciful when the victim or guardian of the victim accepts money instead of revenge.[24][25] The second wisdom of forgiveness is[23] that it increases honor and prestige of the one who forgives. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness, humiliation or dishonor.[20] Forgiveness is honor, raises the merit of the forgiver in the eyes of Allah, and enables a forgiver to enter paradise.[23] The third wisdom of forgiveness is that according to some scholars, such as al-Tabari and al-Qurtubi, forgiveness expiates (kaffarah) the forgiver from the sins he or she may have committed at other occasions in life.[20][26] Forgiveness is a form of charity (sadaqat). Forgiveness granted to another believer of Islam comes from taqwa (piety), a quality of God-fearing people.[23]
The Qur'an recommends, whenever possible, it is better to forgive another believer of Islam.[27] Believers should treat other believers with forbearance, tolerance and forgiveness. However, forgiveness is not recommended in the relationship between believers and non-believers.[28] Forgiveness is also not recommended against infidels, apostate, and blasphemous people.[29][30][31] There is a sharp differentiation between forgiveness that is recommended for believers in Islam and for those who convert to Islam, and impossibility of forgiveness for non-believers who refuse to accept Islam, a shirk or anyone who has insulted Islam.[21][32]
- Ahmadi Muslims
Mirza Masroor Ahmad, the spiritual leader of the Ahmadiyya movement, during his address at the European Parliament, whilst discussing international relations, insisted that:
Such views of the Ahmadiyya movement do not reflect mainstream Islam views, as Ahmadi Muslims are considered non-Muslims by mainstream Muslims.Ahmadi Muslims are persecuted for their non-mainstream views.[34]
Bahá'í Faith
In the Bahá'í Writings, this explanation is given of how to be forgiving towards others:
Eastern
Buddhism
In Buddhism, forgiveness is seen as a practice to prevent harmful thoughts from causing havoc on one’s mental well-being.[35] Buddhism recognizes that feelings of hatred and ill-will leave a lasting effect on our mind karma. Instead, Buddhism encourages the cultivation of thoughts that leave a wholesome effect. "In contemplating the law of karma, we realize that it is not a matter of seeking revenge but of practicing mettā and forgiveness, for the victimizer is, truly, the most unfortunate of all."[36] When resentments have already arisen, the Buddhist view is to calmly proceed to release them by going back to their roots. Buddhism centers on release from delusion and suffering through meditation and receiving insight into the nature of reality. Buddhism questions the reality of the passions that make forgiveness necessary as well as the reality of the objects of those passions.[37] "If we haven’t forgiven, we keep creating an identity around our pain, and that is what is reborn. That is what suffers."[38]
Buddhism places much emphasis on the concepts of Mettā (loving kindness),karuna (compassion), mudita(sympathetic joy), and upekkhā(equanimity), as a means to avoiding resentments in the first place. These reflections are used to understand the context of suffering in the world, both our own and the suffering of others.
- “He abused me, he struck me, he overcame me, he robbed me’ — in those who harbor such thoughts hatred will never cease.”
- “He abused me, he struck me, he overcame me, he robbed me’ — in those who do not harbor such thoughts hatred will cease.”
- (Dhammapada 1.3-4; trans. Radhakrishnan - see article)[39]
Hinduism
Holi is the Hindu festival of colors, celebrated in spring. The young and the old celebrate by dancing, laughing and smearing each other with Abir – coloured powder, or spraying Gulal - colored water.[40]Traditionally, this is also a day to mark forgiveness, meet and make up with one's ruptured relationships.[41][42] In Indonesia, among Balinese Hindus, Ngembak Geni - the day after Nyepi - is the ritual festive day in spring to meet and forgive each other.[43]
In Vedic literature and epics of Hinduism, Ksama or Kshyama (Sanskrit: क्षमा)[44] and fusion words based on it, describe the concept of forgiveness. The word ksama is often combined with kripa(tenderness), daya (kindness) and karuna(compassion) in Sanskrit texts.[45] In Rg Veda, forgiveness is discussed in verses dedicated to deity Varuna, both the context of the one who has done wrong and one who is wronged.[46][47]Forgiveness is considered one of the six cardinal virtues in Hinduism.
The theological basis for forgiveness in Hinduism is that a person who does not forgive carries a baggage of memories of the wrong, of negative feelings, of anger and unresolved emotions that affect his or her present as well as future. In Hinduism, not only should one forgive others, but one must also seek forgiveness if one has wronged someone else.[45] Forgiveness is to be sought from the individual wronged, as well as society at large, by acts of charity, purification, fasting, rituals and meditative introspection.
The concept of forgiveness is further refined in Hinduism by rhetorically contrasting it in feminine and masculine form. In feminine form, one form of forgiveness is explained throughLakshmi (called Goddess Sri in some parts of India); the other form is explained in the masculine form through her husband Vishnu.[45] Feminine Lakshmi forgives even when the one who does wrong does not repent. Masculine Vishnu, on the other hand, forgives only when the wrong doer repents. In Hinduism, the feminine forgiveness granted without repentance by Laskmi is higher and more noble than the masculine forgiveness granted only after there is repentance. In the Hindu epic Ramayana, Sita - the wife of King Rama - is symbolically eulogized for forgiving a crow even as it harms her. Later in the epic Ramayana, she is eulogized again for forgiving those who harass her while she has been kidnapped in Lanka.[45] Many other Hindu stories discuss forgiveness with or without repentance.[48]
The concept of forgiveness is inconsistently treated in extensive debates of Hindu literature. In some Hindu texts,[49] certain sins and intentional acts are debated as naturally unforgivable; for example, murder and rape; these ancient scholars argue whether blanket forgiveness is morally justifiable in every circumstance, and whether forgiveness encourages crime, disrespect, social disorder and people not taking you seriously.[50] Other ancient Hindu texts highlight that forgiveness is not same as reconciliation.
Forgiveness in Hinduism does not necessarily require that one reconcile with the offender, nor does it rule out reconciliation in some situations. Instead forgiveness in Hindu philosophy is being compassionate, tender, kind and letting go of the harm or hurt caused by someone or something else.[51]Forgiveness is essential for one to free oneself from negative thoughts, and being able to focus on blissfully living a moral and ethical life (dharmic life).[45] In the highest self-realized state, forgiveness becomes essence of one’s personality, where the persecuted person remains unaffected, without agitation, without feeling like a victim, free from anger (akrodhi).[52][53]
Other epics and ancient literature of Hinduism discuss forgiveness. For example:
Jainism
See also: Micchami Dukkadam and Kshamavani
In Jainism, forgiveness is one of the main virtues that needs to be cultivated by the Jains. Kṣamāpanā or supreme forgiveness forms part of one of the ten characteristics of dharma.[58] In the Jain prayer, (pratikramana) Jains repeatedly seek forgiveness from various creatures—even from ekindriyas or single sensed beings like plants and microorganisms that they may have harmed while eating and doing routine activities.[59]Forgiveness is asked by uttering the phrase, Micchāmi dukkaḍaṃ. Micchāmi dukkaḍaṃ is a Prakrit language phrase literally meaning "may all the evil that has been done be fruitless."[60] Duringsamvatsari—the last day of Jain festivalparyusana—Jains utter the phraseMicchami Dukkadam after pratikraman. As a matter of ritual, they personally greet their friends and relativesmicchāmi dukkaḍaṃ seeking their forgiveness. No private quarrel or dispute may be carried beyond samvatsari, and letters and telephone calls are made to the outstation friends and relatives asking their forgiveness.[61]
Pratikraman also contains the following prayer:[62]
In their daily prayers and samayika, Jains recite Iryavahi sutra seeking forgiveness from all creatures while involved in routine activities:[63]
Even the code of conduct amongst the monks requires the monks to ask forgiveness for all transgressions:[65]
Hoʻoponopono
Hoʻoponopono is an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness, combined with prayer. Similar forgiveness practices were performed on islands throughout theSouth Pacific, including Samoa, Tahitiand New Zealand. Traditionally Hoʻoponopono is practiced by healing priests or kahuna lapaʻau among family members of a person who is physically ill. Modern versions are performed within the family by a family elder, or by the individual alone.
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