Developing lovable qualities

Part Three of Three:
Cultivating Lovable Qualities

1. 
   1
   Make eye contact with people. Making eye contact with people shows that you see them and acknowledge them as a person. Don't just do it with that really attractive person at the other end of the bar. Acknowledge the checkout person at the grocery store, the person standing in line behind you for the bus, and so on.
   

   • People respond to acknowledgement and it makes them feel good about themselves. The more loved and appreciated you make other people seem, the more love and appreciation you'll be offered.
2. 
   2
   Smile. There's nothing like having a bad day and seeing the smile of someone you don't even know, or even the smile of good friend. Like eye contact this is acknowledgement and kindness.
   

   • It also makes you seem more approachable when you smile. People often pair approachability with lovableness.
3. 
   3
   Be social. You don't have to be the center of every single party, but cultivating some good social skills will help you be successful when you're out in the world and meeting people. Eye contact and smiling, obviously go along with this.^[7]
   

   • Talk to people at parties. Introduce yourself if you don't know someone and ask them about themselves. People love to talk about themselves and they'll think fondly of you if you seem interested in them.
   • Remember that, even if you feel awkward, not only do most other people feel the same way, but they're probably not going to notice your seeming awkwardness.
4. 
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   Listen to people. True listening is a skill that's gone out of style. So often people don't feel like they're being heard by the people in their own life and it's something that most people desperately want.
   

   • When someone is talking to you, make eye contact. Ask questions to show that you're listening, or if you space out for a moment or get distracted, ask for clarification.
5. 
   5
   Be the kind of friend or significant other you would want. The Golden Rule is a big one here, whether you're religious or not. Doing to others what you would want them to do to you is a great way to live your life.
   

   • Be the friend who is available to help out if needed. Offer your help to move them, drive them to a doctor's appointment or a job interview, and so on.
   • Invite your friend or significant other out for something fun. Make them dinner, take them to the movies, and so on.
6. 
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   Allow yourself to be vulnerable. You don't need to make every feeling you ever have clear as a bell to each person you meet and definitely don't bottle it all up because that only makes things harder! Instead, you need to be open to letting the people you care about and trust into your heart and your emotions.
   

   • This is especially important to do if you've been hurt previously. The knee-jerk reaction is to pull away from any possibility of vulnerability due to previous hurt be it emotional or physical, but shutting yourself down and hiding away from this is not going to make you lovable, because you won't be able to let people love you or know you properly.
   • The desire to be loved initially may direct you to be subservient to others for them to like you. But being nice to be loved is different from being emotionally available to be easily hurt by others, don't let it all out at once try braking it down only when you feel you need to let something out. Let no one have the audacity to take advantage of your niceness for which you will need to strengthen your defenses, being nice is not weakness it means you care and you have a kind heart. Be witty, have a sense of humor while dealing with imbecile or ignorant ones and free yourself from being used, controlled or influenced for things unnecessary.